Why temper tantrums happen

Tantrums may start when your child is around 18 months old, are common around two years old and become much less common at four.  Very young children are not able to express themselves as much as they want to and their frustration may come out as a tantrum.

Tantrums are especially likely to happen if a child is tired, hungry or uncomfortable.  Tantrums also often happen in busy, public place, which can be highly embarrassing and add to the parents' stress.

If you are worried about your child's behaviour discuss your concerns with your Health Visitor or GP.

Dealing with temper tantrums

• Keep calm.  Getting angry and shouting at your child will only make things worse.
• Your child might be tired or hungry so rest or food might help.  Or they might just need some attention or comfort.
• Try to find a distraction.  Finding something else interesting to do or look at can help.  If you're in a busy or  noisy place try to go somewhere quieter.
• If none of the above works, try to see things from your child's point of view and understand what they actually want.  Try to offer them a choice, as this gives you child a sense of control and can be more effective than simply saying "no".  Always try to offer a positive way out.
• If you do say 'no' don't be tempted to give in later to calm them down.  If you do "give in" your child will learn that tantrums work!
• If you're at home you can try ignoring the tantrum, perhaps waling away into another room if it's safe to do so.  Encourage your child to cool down on their own and talk more calmly about what they want.
• After the tantrum, praise your child for settling down.  Even though they may no longer be angry, they may be upset, so give them a cuddle and make it clear that you still love them no matter what.

Avoiding temper tantrums

You can reduce the likelihood of a tantrum by planning ahead.

• Try to avoid your child becoming hungry or overtired.
• Make sure your child is getting enough personal attention and affection.
• Make sure your time together is quality time together, especially if you work for most of the day.
• Keep shopping trips and outings as short as possible.
• Try to plan a regular method that you'll use to deal with tantrums when they do happen.

Remember, temper tantrums are normal and do not usually lead to serious problems.  As your child gets older they will learn to deal more calmly with the stresses of everyday life.